tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35773825014194436762024-03-18T20:05:55.075-07:00SKANK KITCHENAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-88498462997031611662014-10-13T11:15:00.000-07:002014-10-13T11:15:06.753-07:00YAKISORTA<div style="text-align: center;">
WHY HELLO THERE</div>
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We've been gone a long while for a number of reasons but WHO CARES, we're back now! </div>
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Our first recipe to get your tastebuds tingling (not sure if this is in a good way at all...) is our version of a popular dish entitled 'Yaki Soba'. You can find Yaki Soba in Wagamama but why would you wanna go to Wagamama and ~sit next to people you don't know~ when you can just make a low rent version of it yourself at home. However, since it's not *quite* the same, just sorta the same, it's Yakisorta.</div>
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Things you will need for this dish are:</div>
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GREEN UTENSILS</div>
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A FREEZER</div>
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SHAKESPEARE FRIDGE MAGNETS</div>
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INADEQUATE PANS</div>
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NOODLES OF SOME SORT, WHO CARES</div>
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QUORN</div>
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FROZEN PEPPER SELECTION</div>
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FROZEN MUSHROOMS</div>
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GINGER</div>
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I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT ELSE, SEE PICS. </div>
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So, the first thing you need to do is get a red onion and cut it in half and try not to rein-act that Sylvia Plath poem. It's also important to make sure the knife you uses matches the onion, cause when this happens the onion loves you more and thus tastes nicer. </div>
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Take out the gross core bit cause ain't nobody got time for that. </div>
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Slice!</div>
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In this here lil pan you should pour approx 100ml (We don't know how much that is so we put like half the bottle in) of light soy sauce and then a lil splash of dark soy sauce and then a pinch of sugar cause why not</div>
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Then get a frying pan and put oil in it. You can use fancy oil if you want or like coconut oil if you're scared of transfat or whatever but cause of $$$ we got the cheapest. </div>
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When it's got hot you can put your gorgeous onion slices in. At this point you should hear them singing for you cause of the matching knife. They will now try really hard to please you, so always make sure your knife matches. </div>
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People will try and convince you that the correct way to pronounce this type of vegetable is with a French accent but THEY ARE WRONG. The correct way to pronounce it is 'mange' as in 'OH SHIT, THINK MY CAT'S GOT THE MANGE, BETTER POP DOWN T'VETS' and 'toot' like in that incredible piece of art, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1VVT3xTBb0">OMG by Jenna Rose</a></div>
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Please remove your manges from the packaging and hold them in your hand as shown here: </div>
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If you do this, they will grow to trust you and then try really hard to be delicious for you. It's a similar theory to the onion theory. It's a real fact. Swear. </div>
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Sample the toot, just to make sure it's performing at its best. Then open your freezer. </div>
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I really like freezers. You can keep all kindsa shit in them. This particular freezer ought to be the envy of others as it has Shakespearean word magnets on it, so that means it's totes cultured and has read his full body of work. </div>
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<br />Next, pour your Quorn chickeny bits into the onion pan. I really think you should all just have these all the time cause they're CHEAP and HEALTHY and ABSORB FLAVOUR and you can COOK THEM FROM FROZEN IN LIKE 10 MINUTES. These are very important facts.</div>
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Stir your sauce. V. important. Dunno why. Then once the chickeny bits have cooked for a couple mins pour the sauce into the frying man so they absorb their soy'y goodness.</div>
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Get your noodles out the packet and try and put them in a pan without spilling them everywhere. We opted for rice noodles but you should probably use egg noodles. Then put the kettle on to boil. </div>
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Pour the boiling water into the pan of noodles but don't turn it on yet. Like, don't put it on the hob. </div>
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Next get your frozen veg and shove 'em in the same pan as the rest of the shit. And then put your mange toot in there too. </div>
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(oooh yeaaahhh just look at those ice cold vegetables, frostier than your ex's heart)</div>
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Stir it all around while you cook the noodles. Rice noodles take like 3 mins or something ridiculous like that so that's all good. </div>
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Make sure you have chopsticks ready so you can feel totes fancy. We got these ones from Tiger for like £2 or something. HOW NICE are they tho? </div>
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Once the noodles have cooked, drain 'em off and put them back in their original pan. Try not to overcook them else they'll go mushy (we overcooked them). </div>
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Then pour the other shit into the same pan as the noodles and stir it all around. </div>
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Then crack two eggs into the mixture and on a low heat (as if that were achievable on these shit hot plates) stir the egg into the shit till it's cooked. </div>
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Divide the mixture into bowls, and crack open some sushi ginger. Also any form of pickled ginger works. Highly recommend stealing the little sachets from Itsu cause they last for ages.</div>
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Then for added protein and yum factor, sprinkle on some seeds and HEY PRESTO, it's done. Whatya got here is a noodle spectacular.</div>
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Mmm yeah, how nice does that look. SO NICE. SO WELL VERY NICE.</div>
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CHOW DOWN</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-29071607923611413262014-04-23T03:48:00.005-07:002014-04-23T03:48:48.662-07:00ABSENCE EXCUSES<br />
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Happy 2014 and <span style="font-size: large;">HUGE</span> apologies for my extended absence, there's simply no excuse! All I can really say about it is that I've been super busy working on other projects and basically too poor to cook. That's right, too poor to even skank cook. Nevertheless, I've got a couple of recipes lined up for your consumption, so expect some posts in the coming days. </div>
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Contrary to skank philosophy, I ate out at a fancy pants restaurant and wrote a review on it on my sister blog. <a href="http://www.femmenism.co.uk/2014/02/review-flat-iron.html">Have a clicky click here and see what I thought about it.</a> General good vibes all round. </div>
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Any old who, I'm posting this as an apology and a prelude to the updates I've got in store for ya. </div>
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Live skank, die gross. XO</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-40931733215689278432013-12-24T07:09:00.001-08:002014-10-13T05:48:32.874-07:00Tarts.<div>
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HAPPY CHRISTMAS! </div>
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Today we're going to stick to Christmas tradition and make a seasonal fave, jam tarts. The main reason I make them is because they're called tarts and are so named after me, and secondly because they're so notoriously easy yet I manage to screw them up every time. They still taste fackin lush though.<br />
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To begin with you'll need to go out and buy some Jus-Rol because you don't have the technical skills required to make pastry from scratch. You'll also need wine for sipping, flour, jam and a cutter. You can choose the cutter shape, I recommend standard 'round with scallop edge' because I'm like clearly all about conforming. You don't need angel cake but it'd be stupid to turn it down. </div>
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Start off by dusting flour on your (clean) worktop and rolling your pre-rolled pastry out. I'm pretty sure this is what I did to make mine go monumentally wrong (spoiler alert, scroll down for proof). Maybe don't roll it out again, it's up to you. </div>
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Use your cutter to go mental on the pastry, and then shove them in to a muffin tin thingy. You should get a non stick one cause it's better. </div>
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Then you need to give them all a little prick. Who doesn't like a little Christmas prick?! </div>
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You should have preheated the oven because we're baking even though I didn't tell you to. But I'm not your mother so you should have used your own initiative. Duh. But yeah I put this one on 160. </div>
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Now you've got 10 minutes or so to have a relax. Cook yourself a brew and check twitter or something. I do not recommend washing up. </div>
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When they've started going brown, take the little bastards out of the oven and become saddened by the fact that they look like crap madeleines. Oval puffy bitches. This is where I recommend crushing all the bubbles in your hideous, misshapen yet delicious snacks and making it a bit easier to believe that you made the pastry yourself. It's hard to go wrong with pre-made pastry but I manage to almost every time. </div>
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So yeah, crush the bubbles and try and make a dip in its belly. </div>
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Grab a whatstheteaspoon and put jam in the belly dips you just made. Then stick em back in the oven </div>
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With the scraps left over from pastry round one, knead em together and make it your personal challenge to make the worlds ugliest jam tart. </div>
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Your tarts will only need like 5 minutes after you put them back in the oven to cook the jam because in true tart form, they're easy. </div>
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Here we have it, the worlds ugliest jam tart surrounded by its ugly minions. </div>
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Make sure you eat them while they're hot because molten jam is a delicious challenge. Be careful though cause nobody wants to only be able to drink cold drinks all Christmas due to to a lavajam tongue burn. </div>
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Here is my mum modeling the Christmas apron and oven mitt that you should have been wearing this whole time but forgot about till now. Enjoy. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-11600444449078262972013-12-23T08:50:00.001-08:002014-10-13T05:46:59.395-07:00A left over toasty wonder.<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, if you're about to go home for Christmas and you need to eat up everything in your fridge because let's face it, you can't abide waste, this is the perf dish to make. One of the ingredients is a little elaborate for a skank kitchen post but you'll understand why it's been included. You'll probably need to go and top the gas card up before you really get started because it's Christmas and times are hard. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, the token things you'll probably have in your fridge and will want to use up are eggs, milk and cheese, and no doubt you'll have slightly stale bread that's sorta littered with green fuzz so you'll be contemplating throwing that out without even thinking about eating it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Once you've got all that it's probably a good idea to double check the dustbin cause you were <i>sure</i> that there was a pack of chorizo somewhere and it had a few slices left...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Have you checked? Yeah? Found it? Good. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">SO get a big ole frying pan together and shove it on the stove. Turn the grill on and pick the mould off the left over bread. Good as new! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Crack 6 eggs into a jug, cause your housemates will certainly <i>never </i>turn down free eggs. Add a splash of milk (stick the kettle on and cook yourself a brew while you're at it to use up the rest), salt and pepper and go mental with a fork on it cause no doubt you haven't got a whisk (I haven't). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Once it's all mixed up and is resembling a yellow phlegmy mess rather than eggs, put a bit of oil in your frying pan and make it all hot so it spreads out all over the place. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Shove your bread under the grill or in the toaster if you wanna be pedantic. I put mine under the grill cause I'm not a selfish shellfish and I made it for more than one person. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Pour the eggy mixture into the frying pan and get a spatula or a plastic spoon or some shit that ain't metal and stir it while it cooks. Don't forget to flip your toast you twat. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Keep stirring the eggs so they start to scramble and don't make a shitty omelette. Cook them till they go rubbery cause my mum doesn't cook them for long enough and one of my most haunting Christmas memories is being presented with billinis of salmon and sloppy egg on Christmas morning. Mumma I love you, but you gotta cook em for longer. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your toast should be done now so rescue it before it burns, butter it and cut it into little squares. Take a sip of tea cause you've earnt it. Chop up your chorizo and shove everything into the frying pan. Keep cooking it to make it super healthy (sarcasm, just to be clear). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You're gonna want the toast to start to fry a bit, and everything to be crazy hot to reflect the current state of your pre-Christmas body. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Add another grind of pepper cause grinding is fun and a pinch of salt just cause of reasons and then stick it in a bowl cause it stays hotter that way cause your house is probably an icy cave of death like mine and also it's like totes more fun to eat from a bowl. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Fuck yeah, eggy wonderland. If you sacrifice the chorizo I highly recommend adding a thin layer of marmite before cutting up your toast to make tiny toasty mosaics. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Happy Christmas you filthy dogs. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-5484669397922598362013-12-19T13:21:00.001-08:002014-10-13T05:49:13.638-07:00Basic bitchez.<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So to honour all of the basic bitches in our lives, and all of the shade they throw our way, we decided to cook an entirely beige meal. Beige bitches are basic bitches. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Here's how it went down. First we bought all this shit. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">If you can't tell, it's macaroni cheese in a tin, potato waffles and garlic bread. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm now going to talk you through the long and complicated process of cooking this bountiful and nutritious meal. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixW-T5F5cC2vsNa6QRUv1XnsSZv9f80bzzleR2hAj-5VHligxOq9AxVRSK2ISCwziUYx7bmOi0VPwKEi6-0dmdpXS5q_vE6enWn-Xpjbc6vXNqPUOZNieX2NS_WqyYJlMJHf0H4gtVMWYg/s640/blogger-image--1794104102.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixW-T5F5cC2vsNa6QRUv1XnsSZv9f80bzzleR2hAj-5VHligxOq9AxVRSK2ISCwziUYx7bmOi0VPwKEi6-0dmdpXS5q_vE6enWn-Xpjbc6vXNqPUOZNieX2NS_WqyYJlMJHf0H4gtVMWYg/s640/blogger-image--1794104102.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Shove the pain au garlique (disclaimer: not accurate French) and the potato grids in the oven. The bread will cook first, so you can munch that as a delicious starter. </span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Then get a pan out and open the tin and stick the contents of the tin in the pan. Like, really just shove it in there. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLT7Te3AtKgrymQ5ip_KmRWBLaJwUuWZf7VskFpZthRCzDrA5rSJnB8xwLyU-QhE7nMr-VrrwFN2usIKoxt7Irdh47ZQVaVi3T5Yje-FupnVqorzhxwB0i8Osavf2-c8RfUx9yHTi-_TO2/s640/blogger-image--690895006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLT7Te3AtKgrymQ5ip_KmRWBLaJwUuWZf7VskFpZthRCzDrA5rSJnB8xwLyU-QhE7nMr-VrrwFN2usIKoxt7Irdh47ZQVaVi3T5Yje-FupnVqorzhxwB0i8Osavf2-c8RfUx9yHTi-_TO2/s640/blogger-image--690895006.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Leave it in there and maybe give it a stir but let's face it, it's going to taste like shit either way. You should probably leave he waffles in the oven for like 15 minutes though cause I heard that raw spuds give you cyanide poisoning or some shit. </span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">If you've got issues with wet food touching dry food like I have, then you should put the macaroni in a bowl to avoid a full blown panic attack. Maybe shove some pepper on to make yourself feel slightly less tragic. </span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_uobLQcie2dPaUil35X8XKM6jbtEh137eNkNcSEr5y_ExD47kIo6QDDMw32Mk6wXYEg9avZxGQeUeod9Ioy2WwshDQoPkO3xbEv4jrJloUrirvZ04aybxjk-9T6jfjwrXZ0AukYLimE4E/s640/blogger-image-686378038.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_uobLQcie2dPaUil35X8XKM6jbtEh137eNkNcSEr5y_ExD47kIo6QDDMw32Mk6wXYEg9avZxGQeUeod9Ioy2WwshDQoPkO3xbEv4jrJloUrirvZ04aybxjk-9T6jfjwrXZ0AukYLimE4E/s640/blogger-image-686378038.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">There we have it, unoriginal, bland and not remotely aesthetically pleasing. Much like the basics we know. Perfect homage meal. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Happy fuckin' Christmas. </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-46950172127394548172013-10-17T06:41:00.001-07:002013-10-17T06:41:13.914-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7Y5m5hku3NboQE-09t-osEbKD7ok8W6dYjlairIy4V2PJa-ynWtYPetcgv-ly3xAb_QH8Weo4FcbcASq6dNwFcuH7n2T_xEA-Lvca78dgrG3H97-vXKB0YCZhGKtBOz5FiRTreTAxlbnB/s1600/1377594_10151597370801486_611829164_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7Y5m5hku3NboQE-09t-osEbKD7ok8W6dYjlairIy4V2PJa-ynWtYPetcgv-ly3xAb_QH8Weo4FcbcASq6dNwFcuH7n2T_xEA-Lvca78dgrG3H97-vXKB0YCZhGKtBOz5FiRTreTAxlbnB/s320/1377594_10151597370801486_611829164_n.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
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This genuinely says it all. This is how I live.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-48669356451618029272013-10-15T08:15:00.000-07:002014-10-13T05:48:11.507-07:00HOW TO MAKE: FLUFFYRUFFS<div style="text-align: center;">
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For those of you who are well educated in the game of alternative names for food, you won't need telling what I'm about to guide you into (think Brian Butterfield and Herp-Derp). For those of you less acquainted with such, I suggest that you get on to google sharpish. </div>
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So as promised, I'm going to feebly but with best intentions to provide a step-by-step guide for another recipe. This one's got pictures, you lucky buggers. </div>
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Here's what you'll need. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjknPj6kkm-KbhFD8m1o5R9HDV9A5CEV9nEYD_v08qQKSFPNQXndPqHUpt_aUbOzeophqAsrTpk8wzKmm_FgOs3hxEEo1ZfH2qAqmOeuW0OaFXaXbEHWf5V7tNrqug2GoU4XspVotCLG1is/s1600/image+(29).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjknPj6kkm-KbhFD8m1o5R9HDV9A5CEV9nEYD_v08qQKSFPNQXndPqHUpt_aUbOzeophqAsrTpk8wzKmm_FgOs3hxEEo1ZfH2qAqmOeuW0OaFXaXbEHWf5V7tNrqug2GoU4XspVotCLG1is/s320/image+(29).jpeg" height="240" width="320" /></a><a name='more'></a><br />
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White bread, </div>
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Happy eggs (even though we're skint, we just can't bring ourselves to fund non-happy non-free-range chickieeggs),</div>
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Smoked back bacon,</div>
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Goats cheese (ours is somewhat unspecified)</div>
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Splash of milk,</div>
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Pinch of salt and pepper,</div>
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Drop of oil.</div>
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Of course, we had to go out and buy all of these ingredients because we're bad at life and don't stock basics, and we were too lazy to go to a supermarket or somewhere that you can buy all o'this for a reasonable price. We spent £3 on OJ - obscene. It did, however, mean that we could just nip over the road wearing pajama bottoms and no make-up which we all secretly love doing. As most of the stuff we have here is considered to be a basic household essential, this meal is incredibly cheap to make and tastes as though heaven were fried in the liquid manifestation of Cher's voice. Pretty good, I'm sure you'll agree.</div>
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Anyway, here's what to do.</div>
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Crack two eggs into a bowl and try not to get any shell in it. A way that I've managed to teach myself to do it is one big hit on the side of the bowl, rather than loads of light hits. I know a piece of information like this is slightly absurd, but it's crucial and I've only recently learnt it. Anyway, into the eggs, pour a splash of milk, crack some pepper and add a pinch of salt.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfXfTwdVXTiw6NOmn46QakHrKkheNMoxu6Y-YRmcVXtIdtVhK3A260NWWjia_8Irohmg-2eQFsawlHzM9yJMR8LA4hhYQ_mABLWJI0iPzSddO_NURLJp4XRTzz14whyphenhyphenyjOpt1g325Xz7nm/s1600/skank_kitchen_zps43be1b72.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfXfTwdVXTiw6NOmn46QakHrKkheNMoxu6Y-YRmcVXtIdtVhK3A260NWWjia_8Irohmg-2eQFsawlHzM9yJMR8LA4hhYQ_mABLWJI0iPzSddO_NURLJp4XRTzz14whyphenhyphenyjOpt1g325Xz7nm/s320/skank_kitchen_zps43be1b72.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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Then just go a bit mental with a fork, or a whisk if you've got one. I don't have one, so fork it is.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLihzphMl95Wh_T3jUeqYB7PCJ-Y6bXekJ9YaYCHidOpXgXkAw0oIrWAZxX1ECSIJeILk_TvCTzKNArcC66n9djEy7eimkv9Zj31DrYTQQ9eMsGeNgJRmWeobipn4U9tttp_rU_a9R_Krq/s1600/image+(3).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLihzphMl95Wh_T3jUeqYB7PCJ-Y6bXekJ9YaYCHidOpXgXkAw0oIrWAZxX1ECSIJeILk_TvCTzKNArcC66n9djEy7eimkv9Zj31DrYTQQ9eMsGeNgJRmWeobipn4U9tttp_rU_a9R_Krq/s320/image+(3).jpeg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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Meanwhile, stick the hob on and put some bacon in a pan. I would suggest washing your hands before and after playing with raw meat to prevent that tiny little thing called Salmonella. I know we're all skanks here, but even we have limits. Food poisoning ain't fun. So yeah, you could use tongs or a spatula or a fork or whatever else you've got, but we've got hands.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd6LKxAxjv14h8KE4yh9Kcu1QlUhELltikxcBw-C41LOAkfxo7Iab8haFl6LIRkmzZ9HvI38ssBic0at17WpyW7edapivZedtNgCLZc1_B4RXwe2cEBqjY4EjnKroPMCnsVwrsTjiQut4r/s1600/image+%252815%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd6LKxAxjv14h8KE4yh9Kcu1QlUhELltikxcBw-C41LOAkfxo7Iab8haFl6LIRkmzZ9HvI38ssBic0at17WpyW7edapivZedtNgCLZc1_B4RXwe2cEBqjY4EjnKroPMCnsVwrsTjiQut4r/s320/image+%252815%2529.jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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While your bacon is sizzlin' away, dip your bread into the eggy mixture. There should be about enough mixture for two slices of bread, so if you're feeling fat and you've got a massive frying pan, double up!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8wRJIII_hxojWViK5h-RtA2niaehKTj7mKOTdqfcV2LFl4FpGobBKDI-cJtO3n1HOlEnbw9ojAsX9NVO0JDfwgzCtMXpp94B0GF80XztdMVEEjBVbyZlvtkW-I9c1TViod5RlK5vyspbC/s1600/image.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8wRJIII_hxojWViK5h-RtA2niaehKTj7mKOTdqfcV2LFl4FpGobBKDI-cJtO3n1HOlEnbw9ojAsX9NVO0JDfwgzCtMXpp94B0GF80XztdMVEEjBVbyZlvtkW-I9c1TViod5RlK5vyspbC/s320/image.jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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Put some oil in the pan and let it get warm, but not so hot it gets all angry and it's actually scary to be around. Nobody likes that.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ_JkK2Ju3FbZZLAlRCv0NfjEQDF1yUuXE442P74mFfuDxygnx8vm_aED3Bmlp7woDQvMffoOD6ctnSH4s6dkmqA0TJuqlJawo7l-94gd2U3_zrJ_ALpGbqaBq5JqJcacZql6twAjOn2u6/s1600/image+(7).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ_JkK2Ju3FbZZLAlRCv0NfjEQDF1yUuXE442P74mFfuDxygnx8vm_aED3Bmlp7woDQvMffoOD6ctnSH4s6dkmqA0TJuqlJawo7l-94gd2U3_zrJ_ALpGbqaBq5JqJcacZql6twAjOn2u6/s320/image+(7).jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsV0R9mzXYsmNHjWHugD1ClLO5yKNG-D-OGKHGGli9T3UsHNp_eoON2M_Fnwt_sVwS8rkFPgITTqq2-3fMjvHI9xTJUBtfwuFOukiT0SQ90KyVLL-dh1Y1RzKxzQ9JjC4sUyvCkt8H6441/s1600/image+(21).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsV0R9mzXYsmNHjWHugD1ClLO5yKNG-D-OGKHGGli9T3UsHNp_eoON2M_Fnwt_sVwS8rkFPgITTqq2-3fMjvHI9xTJUBtfwuFOukiT0SQ90KyVLL-dh1Y1RzKxzQ9JjC4sUyvCkt8H6441/s320/image+(21).jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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While the bread is frying, whip out the unspecified goats cheese. Obviously, you could use any type of cheese really. It just depends on how refined your pallett is. Clearly ours is quite top notch dahling, hence goats cheese. It doesn't taste like soap, feet or udders, it's actually just pretty lush. I'd take this opportunity to flip the bacon as well, don't wanna forget about those delicious strips of heaven.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfSO8QxjJZ7_DHORdtPjR2GP3lvDLOScYJ84uqEzKH-kkLw8qmsq7d01cA12ogPh8niHJGX7d3-zhUWOlSR0uVeiA1C8p0lh5MxoJIyP97APe7J1LpuBBU0nsSSbC8JDxk9NSXitD3xjRM/s1600/opiop.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfSO8QxjJZ7_DHORdtPjR2GP3lvDLOScYJ84uqEzKH-kkLw8qmsq7d01cA12ogPh8niHJGX7d3-zhUWOlSR0uVeiA1C8p0lh5MxoJIyP97APe7J1LpuBBU0nsSSbC8JDxk9NSXitD3xjRM/s320/opiop.jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP2Q_QvscBU6qpe-K56KEBoiVFaTwLJFQmtI-4G4bcVC1r62ggPRBnnFXLIgttBetyPl4bTFouWcFn_j3poMv81YXsg2W1PdhLNFGYskJwY7WGXtXOhu22042N5p8t6oyhcGVjJuwHCt4C/s1600/image+(13).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP2Q_QvscBU6qpe-K56KEBoiVFaTwLJFQmtI-4G4bcVC1r62ggPRBnnFXLIgttBetyPl4bTFouWcFn_j3poMv81YXsg2W1PdhLNFGYskJwY7WGXtXOhu22042N5p8t6oyhcGVjJuwHCt4C/s320/image+(13).jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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Once you've turned your cheese into cheesegravel and you've flipped your bread, sprinkle the gravel on top so it starts getting all melty and nice.</div>
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By this point, your bacon should be pretty cooked and ready for the munchin'. Take the bread off and shove it on a plate and then pile the bacon on top like a glorious mountain.</div>
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Enjoy with a brew and a blob of ketchup 'cause, let's face it, any egg and cheese product screams the need for ketchup.<br />
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If you make this, let me know how it goes. And by what other name(s) it goes by.<br />
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Stay Classy 5eva.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-20765274342450386892013-10-09T04:04:00.001-07:002013-10-09T04:18:10.018-07:00<a href="https://twitter.com/skankkitchen">FOLLOW US ON TWITTER</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-47652160154451792712013-10-08T06:35:00.001-07:002013-10-08T06:35:18.193-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHNhAdOAB1Pgxk7jUcWmTem34CZb813QZNeoIQiHd3S07BPt99HTN-DbhCJ09ylnGqLf5rIF9XNkx3OC-pVtAaMe4_fGVFJzVtb6aQCBG_NBAukjpEXgG0dvganv1NxLc_7giYIHEYgWw1/s1600/screek.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHNhAdOAB1Pgxk7jUcWmTem34CZb813QZNeoIQiHd3S07BPt99HTN-DbhCJ09ylnGqLf5rIF9XNkx3OC-pVtAaMe4_fGVFJzVtb6aQCBG_NBAukjpEXgG0dvganv1NxLc_7giYIHEYgWw1/s320/screek.png" width="213" /></a></div>
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We're up for it if you are?</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-27436809348018109882013-10-08T06:22:00.001-07:002014-10-13T05:49:23.846-07:00WE LOVE DRINKING. DRINKING. WE LOVE IT.<br />
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Without sounding like alcoholics (or students), and at the risk of sounding like we're promoting a ridiculously unhealthy lifestyle once again, let's talk about booze for a hot minute.<a name='more'></a><br />
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We've been known to partake in cocktails that consist of left over Sainsbury's basics vodka and water, cause we're too poor to buy a mixer. And we didn't have squash. We did, however, manage to steal some fancy cocktail decorations from our housemate's 'bartending' kit. I'm sure I've got a photo of this somewhere, I'll find it and stick it in. So the basic rule behind drinking dirty, dirty vodka is that it's ok if you jazz it up a little with a lametta poof and umbrella.<br />
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While we're on the subject of vodka, I've got a word of advice for you. Never, EVER buy the cheapest vodka you can find from 'The Hatch' in New Cross. Especially after it's closed and you can only buy alcohol and cigarettes through the hatch. We once bought a bottle from there, and after drinking about three quarters of it and realising how strange it tasted, we also realised how we weren't at all drunk. This is when we decided to inspect the label, which actually stated on it that it had been made on MS Publisher. So to summarise, we drank home-made non-alcoholic acetone vodka from a bottle that had been printed and stuck on with sticky-back plastic. Slight error.<br />
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So moving on from dodgy vodka, let's talk about everyone's favourite. TEQUILA.<br />
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Most people end up craving tea and biscuits at 2 in the afternoon, but apparently we crave margaritas. Taking the desire to satisfy this and rolling with it, we researched (texted the Mexican bff) a really good, original, traditional recipe to follow. Simple enough. Here's what we were told (note my fabulous grammar).</div>
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So with this in mind, off we trot to buy a bottle of corner shop's finest silver tequila. We were feeling flush so we got a decent sized bottle, some lime juice AND some limes. Splashing out big style. Mint took it a bit far, we're not made of money.<br />
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Getting back, we scavenged the freezer for ice and were warned not to use the blender so as not to blunt the blades on chunks of ice. Naturally, we used our initiative and put all the ice into a plaggy bag and bashed the crap out of it first. I think my shoe was involved at some point. Instant ice chips! Then came the tequila, straight into the ice. Sliced a couple of limes, chucked the juice in, glugged a glug of the bottled lime juice in. Unspecified amounts of salt and sugar then followed, and then whizzed. Of course, the only salt we could find was rock salt, and so we had a bit of a mission trying to crush it using a knife to rim the glasses while already being slightly intoxicated (I'm sure that there must have been some cheeky bottle swigging going on as well, the whole process was far more fun than it should have been). Quickly gave up on crushing rock salt and just poured it all into a glass. We would suggest just one glass, saves on washing up. Or two, if you must. Or just throw a straw into the blender jug and try not to chug and savour the deliciousness. Or chug. Y'know, it's your call.<br />
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Obviously there are no photographs to demonstrate the process we did, and this is for two reasons. Firstly, because we were having such fun doing it that photography didn't even enter our minds. Secondly, Skank Kitchen didn't exist at that point, so we had nothing to devote our skankness to. Anyway, enjoy!<br />
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Stay classy etc etc.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3577382501419443676.post-43424155226574096632013-10-02T05:17:00.004-07:002013-10-08T06:56:14.166-07:00Food blogs are just, like, SO impressive these days. <span style="font-family: ariel, sans-serif;">We should probably say before we begin, we're not
celebrating bad food. We're celebrating the best of the worst. We're
recognising the burger van at the end of your road, the ice cream stand outside
the cinema, your local fried chicken shop and standing up to say 'YOU, Mr
Chicken Shop Man, considerably improve the quality of my life so thank you!'. We're commending students for their inventive recipes, and wishing we had the same excuse to have only Sainsbury's basics stocking our fridge, though unfortunately not; currently crying into my degree certificate and considering using it as a placemat. <br /><br />The thing is, happiness is not Grace Dent's idea of cuisine, although, let's face it, we'll continue reading what she's got to say purely to appreciate her lovely face and vicious words. Happiness is food, in each way it comes, and the people who make it. </span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">We know some of them aren't in line for a Michelin star... But they
deserve some recognition for the joy and happiness that they bring into our
otherwise poor and mundane lives. </span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">We're not denying that the £24 seafood risotto from Beach
Blanket Babylon will leave your taste buds tingling, but we all know that deep
down there's precious little more satisfying than six chicken wings and 409 mozzarella
dippers from Chick Chicken (New Cross, check it out) when you're high as a kite
on a Saturday night. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At Skank Kitchen, we aim to bring you the best of the worst
bars, restaurants (or should we call them eating establishments?), and shitty
street food vans from London and beyond. Expect to see our attempted 'posh people' recipes, the outcomes of mixing the contents of our own bland cupboards, potential 'Come Dine with Me' type stuff, the list goes on. The difference between this food blog and all the rest, is that we have no money, time or talent to cook elaborate dishes. And that is just fine with us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><br />We will not be giving bad food good press. On the contrary, we're giving all food bad press. </span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">We will probably ruin your perfect cake recipe, we'll probably replace decorative gold leaf for nail varnish. This is about realistic cheap living (I mean this in every sense of the word 'cheap'), and even cheaper eating. Living a ridiculous life of luxury on a shoestring budget, and consuming our way through it before we let it consume us. </span><br />
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STAY CLASSY.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06242640827377026945noreply@blogger.com0