Tarts.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS! 

Today we're going to stick to Christmas tradition and make a seasonal fave, jam tarts. The main reason I make them is because they're called tarts and are so named after me, and secondly because they're so notoriously easy yet I manage to screw them up every time. They still taste fackin lush though.
 

To begin with you'll need to go out and buy some Jus-Rol because you don't have the technical skills required to make pastry from scratch. You'll also need wine for sipping, flour, jam and a cutter. You can choose the cutter shape, I recommend standard 'round with scallop edge' because I'm like clearly all about conforming. You don't need angel cake but it'd be stupid to turn it down. 

Start off by dusting flour on your (clean) worktop and rolling your pre-rolled pastry out. I'm pretty sure this is what I did to make mine go monumentally wrong (spoiler alert, scroll down for proof). Maybe don't roll it out again, it's up to you. 

A left over toasty wonder.

So, if you're about to go home for Christmas and you need to eat up everything in your fridge because let's face it, you can't abide waste, this is the perf dish to make. One of the ingredients is a little elaborate for a skank kitchen post but you'll understand why it's been included. You'll probably need to go and top the gas card up before you really get started because it's Christmas and times are hard. 

Basic bitchez.

So to honour all of the basic bitches in our lives, and all of the shade they throw our way, we decided to cook an entirely beige meal. Beige bitches are basic bitches. 
 

Here's how it went down. First we bought all this shit.