Tarts.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS! 

Today we're going to stick to Christmas tradition and make a seasonal fave, jam tarts. The main reason I make them is because they're called tarts and are so named after me, and secondly because they're so notoriously easy yet I manage to screw them up every time. They still taste fackin lush though.
 

To begin with you'll need to go out and buy some Jus-Rol because you don't have the technical skills required to make pastry from scratch. You'll also need wine for sipping, flour, jam and a cutter. You can choose the cutter shape, I recommend standard 'round with scallop edge' because I'm like clearly all about conforming. You don't need angel cake but it'd be stupid to turn it down. 

Start off by dusting flour on your (clean) worktop and rolling your pre-rolled pastry out. I'm pretty sure this is what I did to make mine go monumentally wrong (spoiler alert, scroll down for proof). Maybe don't roll it out again, it's up to you. 

Use your cutter to go mental on the pastry, and then shove them in to a muffin tin thingy. You should get a non stick one cause it's better. 

Then you need to give them all a little prick. Who doesn't like a little Christmas prick?! 

You should have preheated the oven because we're baking even though I didn't tell you to. But I'm not your mother so you should have used your own initiative. Duh. But yeah I put this one on 160. 

Now you've got 10 minutes or so to have a relax. Cook yourself a brew and check twitter or something. I do not recommend washing up. 

When they've started going brown, take the little bastards out of the oven and become saddened by the fact that they look like crap madeleines. Oval puffy bitches. This is where I recommend crushing all the bubbles in your hideous, misshapen yet delicious snacks and making it a bit easier to believe that you made the pastry yourself. It's hard to go wrong with pre-made pastry but I manage to almost every time. 

So yeah, crush the bubbles and try and make a dip in its belly. 

Grab a whatstheteaspoon and put jam in the belly dips you just made. Then stick em back in the oven 

With the scraps left over from pastry round one, knead em together and make it your personal challenge to make the worlds ugliest jam tart. 

Your tarts will only need like 5 minutes after you put them back in the oven to cook the jam because in true tart form, they're easy. 

Here we have it, the worlds ugliest jam tart surrounded by its ugly minions. 

Make sure you eat them while they're hot because molten jam is a delicious challenge. Be careful though cause nobody wants to only be able to drink cold drinks all Christmas due to to a lavajam tongue burn. 

Here is my mum modeling the Christmas apron and oven mitt that you should have been wearing this whole time but forgot about till now. Enjoy.