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Tuesday 24 December 2013

Tarts.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS! 
Today we're going to stick to Christmas tradition and make a seasonal fave, jam tarts. The main reason I make them is because they're called tarts and are so named after me, and secondly because they're so notoriously easy yet I manage to screw them up every time. They still taste fackin lush though.
 
To begin with you'll need to go out and buy some Jus-Rol because you don't have the technical skills required to make pastry from scratch. You'll also need wine for sipping, flour, jam and a cutter. You can choose the cutter shape, I recommend standard 'round with scallop edge' because I'm like clearly all about conforming. You don't need angel cake but it'd be stupid to turn it down. 

Start off by dusting flour on your (clean) worktop and rolling your pre-rolled pastry out. I'm pretty sure this is what I did to make mine go monumentally wrong (spoiler alert, scroll down for proof). Maybe don't roll it out again, it's up to you. 

Monday 23 December 2013

A left over toasty wonder.

So, if you're about to go home for Christmas and you need to eat up everything in your fridge because let's face it, you can't abide waste, this is the perf dish to make. One of the ingredients is a little elaborate for a skank kitchen post but you'll understand why it's been included. You'll probably need to go and top the gas card up before you really get started because it's Christmas and times are hard. 

Thursday 19 December 2013

Basic bitchez.

So to honour all of the basic bitches in our lives, and all of the shade they throw our way, we decided to cook an entirely beige meal. Beige bitches are basic bitches. 
 
Here's how it went down. First we bought all this shit. 
 

Thursday 17 October 2013

Tuesday 15 October 2013

HOW TO MAKE: FLUFFYRUFFS

For those of you who are well educated in the game of alternative names for food, you won't need telling what I'm about to guide you into (think Brian Butterfield and Herp-Derp). For those of you less acquainted with such, I suggest that you get on to google sharpish. 

So as promised, I'm going to feebly but with best intentions to provide a step-by-step guide for another recipe. This one's got pictures, you lucky buggers. 

Here's what you'll need. 

Tuesday 8 October 2013

We're up for it if you are?

WE LOVE DRINKING.

DRINKING. WE LOVE IT.

Without sounding like alcoholics (or students), and at the risk of sounding like we're promoting a ridiculously unhealthy lifestyle once again, let's talk about booze for a hot minute.

Wednesday 2 October 2013

Food blogs are just, like, SO impressive these days.

We should probably say before we begin, we're not celebrating bad food. We're celebrating the best of the worst. We're recognising the burger van at the end of your road, the ice cream stand outside the cinema, your local fried chicken shop and standing up to say 'YOU, Mr Chicken Shop Man, considerably improve the quality of my life so thank you!'. We're commending students for their inventive recipes, and wishing we had the same excuse to have only Sainsbury's basics stocking our fridge, though unfortunately not; currently crying into my degree certificate and considering using it as a placemat.

The thing is, happiness is not Grace Dent's idea of cuisine, although, let's face it, we'll continue reading what she's got to say purely to appreciate her lovely face and vicious words. Happiness is food, in each way it comes, and the people who make it. 
We know some of them aren't in line for a Michelin star... But they deserve some recognition for the joy and happiness that they bring into our otherwise poor and mundane lives. We're not denying that the £24 seafood risotto from Beach Blanket Babylon will leave your taste buds tingling, but we all know that deep down there's precious little more satisfying than six chicken wings and 409 mozzarella dippers from Chick Chicken (New Cross, check it out) when you're high as a kite on a Saturday night. 

At Skank Kitchen, we aim to bring you the best of the worst bars, restaurants (or should we call them eating establishments?), and shitty street food vans from London and beyond. Expect to see our attempted 'posh people' recipes, the outcomes of mixing the contents of our own bland cupboards, potential 'Come Dine with Me' type stuff, the list goes on. The difference between this food blog and all the rest, is that we have no money, time or talent to cook elaborate dishes. And that is just fine with us. 

We will not be giving bad food good press. On the contrary, we're giving all food bad press.
We will probably ruin your perfect cake recipe, we'll probably replace decorative gold leaf for nail varnish. This is about realistic cheap living (I mean this in every sense of the word 'cheap'), and even cheaper eating. Living a ridiculous life of luxury on a shoestring budget, and consuming our way through it before we let it consume us. 

STAY CLASSY.